on perfect bodies

your body perfect

not for its fact, or form–

but because it’s yours

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Love Poem for the Ages: Three Haiku

I love the place your

heart resides (with me, alight–

and alive) in mine

*

I love the way your

eyes align (with me, alight–

and alive) in mine

*

I love the way your 

life ignites (with me, alight–

and alive) in mine

All of Me: Four Love Haiku

your eyes are not mine

but in them i see myself

my heart, mind, body

*

your hands are not mine

but when they rest upon me

I am only yours

*

your heart is not mine

but when I feel it beating

my own heart must sing

*

your life is not mine

but when you bind yours with mine

you have all of me

take these hands, love: three haiku

 

take these hands and bind

them to your body: tether

your life, love, by mine

*

take this body and bind

it to your life: render

your world, love, to mine

 *

take that love and bind

it to your world. offer

your hands, love, with mine

Haiku of Love and Death, Loss and Gain

if you should die and 

leave me here, your death will not

be a departure

*

“so sorry for your

loss”, they’ll say, but i know: there

is no other way

*

one of us is bound

to go before the other,

but no one is lost

*

life is change, and yet

death is neither threat nor loss

our love was my gain

Ten (Awesome) Things About Being Single

(1) What’s yours is yours. Sharing is caring, but there are times when it is frankly nice to not have to share. You get to spread out fully in your big brass bed. When you go to the movies, you pick. Dinner is always what you want. The salted caramel gelato you buy only occasionally because it’s really expensive? That’s just for you, too. You need not share with anybody, unless, of course, you want to share it.

(2) You can do what you want. Within the bounds of the law, and reason, and your own ethical compass, you can do whatever your little heart desires. Anytime, day or night. No one is going to stop you. No one is going to hold you back, tie you down, keep you from it. You’re answerable to no one, save yourself. Which means: for better or for worse, it’s all you.

(3) You are answerable to no one. Okay, (2) is only partially true. You can technically do whatever you want, regardless of relationship status. But it is in love as it is in life: there are boundaries in any relationship, and should you choose to cross them, there will (at best) be questions, and you will be called upon to answer. As a single person, you’re a free agent, and you can

(4) You don’t have to worry about anyone else’s problems. If you’re single, you don’t have to concern yourself with another person’s drama, or schedule, or irritating best friend. You don’t have to spent time with another person’s crazy mother. You don’t have to factor someone’s allergy to grass into your travel plans. You don’t have to be woken up by your ex’s crazy greyhound at 5 o’clock every morning. Not that any of these things have ever afflicted me; I’m just saying, unless your best friend is irritating, your mother is crazy, you’re allergic to grass, or you’re the one with the crazy greyhound: these are not your problems.

(5) You can explore your options. Interpersonal, romantic, social, occupational. You’re a free agent, and nothing can hold you down. You can get that cute girl’s number. You can take that job in Texas. You can take up salsa dancing (which your ex hated), without anyone getting in your grill about it. You can do what you want, see who you want, be who you want. Which brings me to my next point.

(6) You can do you. You should always do you, in the broadest sense, but when you’re partnered, you have to put another person’s needs alongside your own.  I’m not saying that prioritizing someone else’s needs is a bad thing, nor am I in any way down on the idea of true partnership. But to be alone is its own opportunity and a gift, and you should use it well and wisely. 

(7) You can find freedom in your solitude and joy in your independence. Relationships need not be encumbrances; true partnerships liberate us, hold a mirror to ourselves, and remind us that for all of our beautiful imperfection, others love us and carry us. But being alone is its own sort of liberation, mirror, and love. Singleness represents an opportunity to learn things about yourself that you may never learn in the context of a relationship, because you’ll be too busy moaning about your boyfriend’s irritating greyhound or spending time with your girlfriend’s crazy mother.

(8) You can devote yourself more fully to other questions, interests, and needs. Since you’re not battling someone else’s crazy family, it’s a good time to spend more with yours. Maybe it’s time to take up Farsi, or Spanish cooking, or playing the mandolin. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to shave a minute off of that mile, learn to paint, or build a beautiful garden shed? Get cracking.

(9) You learn that being in a relationship is no better or worse than being single. This is a tough nut to crack. When you’re single, it is really easy to fall into the trap of thinking things would be perfect if only I had some romantic love, but the reality is: life would be the same, in many respects. There would be challenges and struggles and mundanity and the daily grind, you’d have to deal with much of the same mess. You’d have additional joys, yes, but also additional costs. And the rewards may be worth the risks, but these are ultimately bound up in being  with a person who suits you–who feeds your fire and fuels your passion and soothes your soul. Absent that type of connection, there is no question: singleness is equivalent, if not  superior. 

(10) You get to work on you. This is often framed as the “purpose” of being alone (by people in relationships): this is the time to work on you. It’s illusory: there is nothing about being in a relationship per se that implies achievement of some sort of spiritual, emotional, or interpersonal enlightenment. There are plenty of people in relationships who have attained that, and there are plenty of single people who are there. Likewise, many of your counterparts with wives or partners or boyfriends are narcissistic, self-involved, terrible people. I’m not concerned about them, and you shouldn’t be either. What matters here is you. Single or coupled, you should remember: you are amazing, and you’ve only just begun.